Lifestyle

About the one who claimed me.

I was told at 17 after dating my first serious boyfriend that nobody would ever love me. He was upset and heartbroken with the fact that I had broken up with him. It was after months of him manipulating and taking advantage of my low self-esteem that I finally started to realize that I was better off without him. Hard to believe that someone as fabulous as myself would have low self-esteem…it was bad. It was real. I played on this facade that life was grand, when at times I just wanted to be loved. I was insecure with my body, being one of the guys, and never fitting in to the pretty girls group; I was broken.
Life had handed me a variety of crushes that noticed me and written me off. Others that just ignored the fact that I even existed. At that point, I had given up hope. I was broken. I was defeated. I didn’t need a man. I didn’t want one. It was around this time that I told myself, I was better off without any guy. This was the moment in my life when I finally started caring about me.
This was a point when I really just let it all go and decided that I could do better on my own. I never thought I would get married and I never really wanted to. It just seemed so cliche and I honestly felt like I would be losing a sense of myself by selling out for a man. Ask my mother, I always thought I would be the type of woman who would live by herself in a house with 7 dogs.
Then I finally met him. He was a guy, a normal guy. He swept me off my feet. He made me love him. His heart was pure and full. The level of comfort that I felt around him was enough for my world to change. I knew that all this time, I was meant to be with him.
That’s all that matters, because history was made.
I am notorious for downloading songs from iTunes single of the weeks. This week leading up to our 6th wedding anniversary, this song played on my mysterious iTunes play list.

“Dear No One” By Tori Kelly

I like being independent
Not so much of an investment
No one to tell me what to do
I like being by myself
Don’t gotta entertain anybody else
No one to answer toBut sometimes, I just want somebody to hold1378794_10100920147354465_1757170599_n
Someone to give me their jacket when its cold
Got that young love even when we’re old
Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close, be my man
I will love you till the end

I don’t really like big crowds
I tend to shut people out
I like my space, yeah
But I’d love to have a soul mate
God will give him to me someday
& I know it’ll be worth the wait

So if you’re out there I swear to be good to you
But I’m done lookin’, for my future someone
Cause when the time is right
You’ll be here, but for now
Dear no one, this is your love song

He was my saving grace. The guy who proved that I am pretty, loveable, and worth being treated like a queen. I wouldn’t trade anything in this world for the lifetime I am spending with him. He makes me better and allows me to remain true to myself.  I have an identity and he allows it to thrive. He knows that I am stubborn, independent, and sometimes he has his hands full. He understands that I am competitive, ambitious, and driven for greatness.

We go very well together and there is never a dull moment as we journey through life together.

Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with.

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4 Comments

  • Reply kathy @ vodka and soda

    oh, don’t i know this too well. my ex-bf tore me down and left me a shell of my former self. he turned me into the women i loathed – needy, whiny, begging for attention, insecure and frightened. weak. i hated what i had become because it was so different from who i really was. most of all, i hated myself for letting him do that to me but love is bind and when you’re a strong woman who loves as powerfully as she is true to herself, then that is the risk we take.

    i ended up leaving him – after nearly 4yrs of that bullshit – and i was terrified. but deep down, i knew it was for the best. i needed to do that for me and it was what i needed to heal.

    i love that you shared this and that you found a wonderful man to love you the way you truly deserve to be loved.

    December 8, 2013 at 9:49 am
    • Reply Sevi

      Kathy,

      Thank you for sharing this. I know those feelings all too well. It’s amazing being worthy of this love and I couldn’t ask for a better life partner along the way.

      December 8, 2013 at 7:29 pm
  • Reply Whitney

    Oh I love this! I had a really craptastic relationship around the same age that went on for years, and before I really got to heal or figure out who I was I jumped into an equally toxic and damaging marriage that ended (Officially) this summer. We’ve actually been separated longer than that, and I’ve spent the past year rediscovering how awesome I really am. While I’m kind of keeping all men at arm’s length right now, I love that this post is so hopeful 🙂

    December 9, 2013 at 8:57 am
  • Reply cheekygeeks

    While I can totally relate to the feeling worthless bit, I’ve got to say I’m right with you there on loving yourself! Also, you & WareBear are ADORBS. Like, for CEREAL. Also, I notice your blogiversary is in 5 days. Congrats. ALSO!! I finally have some time freeing up — it sounds like yours is getting taken again, though. I want my Sevi/El craft day of AWESOME! T___T On the upside, I’ll have my car next week. On the downside, it sounds like y’all will have a home filled with boxes. Beau & I have checked out getting a house, soon, too; we utilise the Zillow app (among others) like there is no tomorrow. Good luck with that, though..!! I’m sure you’ll find something AWESOME & then I can help you DIY that place in to even more amazingness! Okay, novel done now.
    –EL

    December 10, 2013 at 3:03 pm
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