Today has been a trying day.
It started last night with just one little trigger that remind me of my dad. I brushed it off, but it continued to linger in the back of my mind. Deep down, I couldn’t shake that feeling of sadness. It continued as I went to bed, that heavy pressure on my chest as I search for the words and longed for the tears to come streaming down my face.
Nothing. Just the overwhelming need for sleep. Before long, I woke up to the clock flashing 10:00AM. For once, my body didn’t wake me up at 7:15AM. There were no feelings of being refreshed or rejuvenated, because the constant linger of the pressure I went to sleep with was still there.
Heavy and haunting. It’s consumed the better part of my day and I am still waiting for those tears. I do have plans for this evening, so I finally forced myself to take a shower, put some real clothes on, and pack a little.
Our house isn’t packed. I have no motivation. Just this lingering pain of the reality that I can’t drive over to my parents house and give my dad a hug. I won’t ever have that loving embrace and those simple words of “I’m so proud of you,” whispered to me from my favorite guy.
Time, it’ll take time. Navigating grief takes time.
“And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.” -Khalil Gibran