In addition to Simply Mommy this week, I want to just share some thoughts I’m having lately. Excess thoughts on motherhood warrant discussion.
You see, I’ve never hidden the fact that I didn’t really think that children were ever going to be in the cards for me. At 21, I convinced my doctor to allow me to get an IUD. When those glorious five years were up, I didn’t hesitate for the arm implant for 3 more years of freedom.
Honestly, I would’ve been just fine if it was David and I for the rest of our lives. My ovulation cycle got a little sloppy and the rest is history as they say. So here we are and I’ve been extremely transparent regarding all the feelings I’ve been having over the course of the last few months. From disappointment, fear, excitement, and anxiety – I’m slowly coming to grips with our new normal.
Motherhood is Different for Everyone
It’s funny how much people dote over you when you tell them you’re pregnant. They want to know how you’re feeling. Share in your excitement. Be genuinely happy that you are bringing a child into the world. Coming to grips with the fact that I was pregnant wasn’t a joyous occasion for me. I was scared and confused. In my eyes, my body had betrayed me after 3 consecutive months of birth control. While everyone wanted to share in this excitement; I secretly bottled up contempt that my plans weren’t going my way. This was my first experience in learning that motherhood isn’t all rainbows and unicorns. The thrill and happiness that everyone naturally expects an expecting mother to have, isn’t always there.
Your Feelings are Ok
Without the thrill and excitement, there was a time when I thought I was broken. The questions that went through my mind were constant. I wanted to know why I wasn’t ecstatic about this unexpected blessing we were bestowed. After listening to stories of miscarriages and infertility, I was guilty of the situation I was in. Like miscarriages, the apprehension and unsure feelings of embarking on motherhood are taboo to speak about. It took some time for me to process that my feelings were ok. In fact, they were normal and I didn’t need to hide them.
Make this YOUR Journey
Over these last few months, I’ve slowly been open about my feelings as I inch closer to my new role as mommy. Each day I journal about my feelings, both the good and bad, to ground myself. The beauty of becoming a mother is that there isn’t a right or wrong way to go about it. Anyone can read the variety of books that focus on motherhood, they are just suggestions. This is my time to learn things on my own, come to realizations about the journey that we are about to embark on.
I can happily say that my feelings of apprehension have dwindled quite a bit with each sonogram and milestone. David has been a rock with each weary unsure feeling I’ve faced. This journey hasn’t been easy, but it is ours to make the best of.