Last Monday, I had a breakdown. As I opened my bag to pack for the Susan G. Komen 3-Day, a heavy cloud came over me. I couldn’t breathe, speak, or move – I was lost within myself. Something wasn’t right and I couldn’t do anything to reach out to anybody. A few good people were there for me as I tumbled into a dark pit and searched to dig myself out.
As I’ve mentioned numerous times, I’m not going to bullshit you on this blog. This was a complete and utter shutdown of my soul. After the last few weeks, I realized that I haven’t had one weekend for myself. Not one to sit down and be vulnerable to all that has transpired over the last few months. I lost my father, we moved into a house, I’ve learned who my real friends are, and finally crashed.
You may be familiar with this because I’ve posted it on my personal and blog Facebook. After that Monday evening, I knew what I had to do. I reached out to a grief counselor and decided to go all in.
It was liberating and much needed.
I was finally honest with myself.
After a solid hour of tears, anger, and revelations – goals were made and expectations were set. I’ve already made the initial moves to start working on my goals. Slowly, I’m going to find my way and understand that it’s ok for me to cry. I’m allowed to do that. It’s ok for me to want to be alone and reflect on the gifts that my dad bestowed on me. I have the permission to accept that he lived a life of joy, compassion, and love in so many different ways.
Sometimes you need to be brave enough to just ask for help.