Why hello there! Greetings from The Wife in Training, aka Lindsay. Aka new wife of Andrew. Aka drinker of wine. Aka writer of occasionally absurd words. Aka girl who’s getting tired of the “aka” theme.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know that our fearless leader Sevi is currently gallivanting tipsily on a beach south of the border and she DIDN’T INVITE US. Personally I’m a little offended, but I’m willing to overlook it since she’s really, really nice and invited me to post one of my aforementioned collections of occasionally absurd words on her lovely and hilarious blog.
I’m a little bit nervous because speaking in front of strangers is scary, maybe even more so in bloggieland where I can’t see if you’re laughing at all my jokes, so let’s just both agree that you’re going to be really nice to me and everything’s going to be fine and when that shot of vodka (cheers to you, Sevi) kicks in in about 10 minutes I won’t be nervous anymore and hey did I mention I like run-on sentences?
So since Sevi isn’t here to stop me from over sharing, today we’re going to talk about the things I do when no one else is around. Mix yourself a cocktail and let’s get friendly.
…When no one else is around I pretend to be a graphic designer in Microsoft Word. I think you and I can both agree that my lovely graphic up there attests to my uncanny design skills.
…When no one else is around, I like to take my pants off and sit on the couch. No pants party = the best party. Everyone knows that.
…When no one else is around, I kiss my cats on the mouth. Actually, no. I do that in front of other people all the time.
…When no one else is around, I pour twice the amount of pinot grigio I normally would so I don’t have to get up from my pantsless position on the couch.
…When no one else is around, I probably won’t wash my hair for four days.
…When no one else is around, I watch Real Housewives, House Hunters and Food Network for hours on end. With my double-helping glass of wine. And no pants.
…When no one else is around, I eat cheese for dinner. I don’t even put it on a fancy-looking cutting board and call it a cheese platter. Nope. Not when no one else is around.
…When no one else is around, I dream up new life projects that are equal parts exciting and daunting. And then I convince myself that hell yes I can do them.
Thank you so much for hanging out with me today! Even though I’m still kind of jealous Sevi is at the beach and I am not, I hope she’s having a blast and I want to say thank you to her for letting me guest blog. You’re all invited to visit me over at TheWifeInTraining.com. I’ll just be over here, writing silly things and sipping my third glass of wine.
You know, not on the beach.
Until later new friends,
—The Wife in Training