Helen was exasperated, “This is not what I want. I thought I wanted it, but I don’t think I’m up for it.” She stared at her husband with conviction backing her words. It was a secret she had been holding in for weeks after they had made the decision to try for children. At the time she fully thought she was ready to commit, but things had taken a turn. She was busier than ever at work and focused on a number of other things that she couldn’t find the pause button on her own life. Things had gotten out of control and she had called her doctor for a birth control without ever mentioning it to her husband.
John stared at his wife and struggled to find the words. He loved her, so much and wanted the woman he married back to her normal self. He could tell she had been withdrawn lately. She was stressed, but she always had a smile on her face. She was busy, but always made the time to make sure he was ok. In short, she was exhausted and he couldn’t do one thing about it. He watched as her chest heaved up and down, as one of her panic attacks set in. They had become quite frequent lately and he knew that she would need his support. He stood up and wrapped her in his arms.
Helen was just finished. The amount of pressure had been mounting ever since they first mentioned trying to have kids. Of course she was aware that she and John would have adorable babies. Yes she had heard numerous times that her “motherly instinct” would be there as soon as she found out she was expecting. In this very moment, her resolve was broken and she was very in tune with it. She couldn’t take the constant pressure that she had to have kids right now. She was over the conflicted feelings she had when other people found out they were expecting. Her emotions were a tailspin that she could barely cling on to during her day to day. It was making life much harder to focus on and she didn’t want that. Helen wanted to be happy and this was not her happy place.
John looked at her and just stared. He literally had no words for his wife. For the first time in a long time, he didn’t know how to comfort her.
They would have to figure out where to go from here. They had to.